One question that Rick Perry can be assured
will never be asked:
"Where do you get your suits,
Joseph provides a quick overview of the Rick Perry collection and other
Republican fashion trends.
So there I sit, watching Texas Governor, Rick Perry, make the televised rounds
as part of his presidential bid for 2012. I know, from watching liberal media,
that he seems to be a rather odd man with an odd vision as
described in his own words. But I really havent heard those words as
of yet. Still, as of this night, I cant get past his continuing catwalk
parade of poorly tailored, ill-fitting suits, awkwardly donned, at least
creating the illusion of physical deformity.
I havent quite figured out if Perry looks more like a down-on-his-luck,
lost-everything, divorced and lonely man who pulled just enough cash together
for a mismatched suit ensemble at the Salvation Army in preparation for an
upcoming, live or die job interview at a Kia dealership or
if his suits were, indeed as rumored originally styled for
an action figure assembled by child laborers in Malaysia.
Admittedly, as he now seeks national exposure on a daily basis, someone
somewhere is seemingly endeavoring to clean up his act. I mean, in
Texas, it never much mattered sure. For the people of that state,
breeding only pertains to the ranch animals. But one cant keep appearing
on a national stage wearing a random medley of charitable neighborhood donations
offered after a catastrophic event of some sort.
mean, yes the four button suit, with a high gorge broad notch lapel
is something of an assumed risk even for a man of normal proportions.
Christ, I even know this as a reasonably cultured heterosexual. But
with Perrys bloated physique, as an appropriate match for his ego,
it looks like hes wearing hand-me-ups from a much younger
brother who was originally outfitted by a well-intentioned, depression era
Totally classless. Horrible, horrible, ill-fitting suits and
what Perry gets for you know not knowing any Jews. Christ
even Governor Chris Christie wears a suit better though his ensembles
are custom-tailored by situational demand, I reason.
Sure, the regrettably departed William Buckley never could get his tie knot
and shirt collar in the same place at the same time, I know. But that was
different. Buckley simply didnt care. He really didnt
have to. But Perry He comes across as one whos notably
conscious of his appearance in a hyper-narcissistic kind of way. I
mean, no one would have their own natural hair styled to look like a cheap
toupee otherwise even if such a motif is a Republican trademark
REPUBLICAN HAIR, traditionally styled to look like an inexpensive
One can 'tell' if the man is conservative just by looking at him - much
Gay men, say. They have that 'look' about them ...
the whole Perry fashion presence may even be worse than Laura Bush showing
up to one of her husbands presidential debates in a mock Chanel cut
that compressed her chest with more brutality than the most sadistic of breast
Theres just something about southern (and midwestern) conservative
women who acquire a little bit of money or even a fair amount of it
They still retain their seemingly uncontrollable fetish for cheap,
fabric-saving, abbreviated cuts out of Kohls, giddy in the belief theyve
finally moved upscale from the old Montgomery Ward catalog. You know
the ones who also purchased the Craftsman undergarments from Sears because
they had a lifetime warranty on the bra clasps.
then theres Michele Bachmann Yes, her counterfeit apparel at
least fits, I suppose having an off-the-rack body, serving as the
perfect compliment to an off-the-rails mind. But then she attempts to fluff
up innately limp and scrawny, womens shelter hair with a cocktail of
Nice n Easy and Aqua Net in the hopes of creating more exterior volume
than that on the opposing, interior side of the skull.
I swear I look at many, newly upscaled, conservative Republican women
at least the ones with some sort of national name recognition
and cant help recalling the first-acquaintance conversation between
Hannibal Lecter and Agent Starling in Silence of The Lambs
Yeah They can commit a short wine list to memory as a means of
synthesizing some form of breeding in a city restaurant that takes reservations,
but the curious presence of more than one fork on the tablecloth still confuses
them. Indeed, it takes the Nuevo-Conservative woman some months before they
stop looking for a knob-triggered toothpick dispenser at the cashier stand.
Me I can spot the cultural fakes at a distance of 100 meters as they
reveal themselves by way of a strained and unnatural equanimity with
more posture than poise.
Point of fact, as many of you already know, mounds of empirical data
suggests that low-end, white trash women harboring the dreams of getting
out, getting anywhere much like Agent Starling
often become Republican conservatives in the misguided belief
that its the shortcut path to upward mobility, poor dears. But tell
them that their old AJ Wright gift card is now good at Marshalls and they
simply glow with rapturous delight.
All of this is what happens, I suppose, when you have a political party pulled
apart by its opposing penchants for three-piece suits and three chord music.
Now, I dont really dont want to slap down Sean Hannity here -
despite being featured in the toupee styling section, above. I never met
him, but among those who do have a personal familiarity with Hannity - liberals
inclusive, its been relayed to me that hes a good and decent
man, not really wishing harm on anyone. Moreover ... his suit jackets are
well tailored even if theyre provided for him, without his
involvement. And, at a quick glance, you might not guess that he was from
Hempstead to his credit. I mean, to think I used to look down
at him (geographically, naturally) from Port Washington.
despite acquiring some poise, if Hannity continues to incrementally move
the part of his hair any further to the center, hell soon end up looking
like the tenor in a barbershop quartet.
Sean Listen to me, man Go back to the toupee cut. And the grey
doesnt make you look any more distinguished, either. It just makes
you look like you lived a taxing life in Hempstead.
But as to Governor Perry, as the feature act of this presentation
Rick You cant be a Cultural Warrior when youre
fundamentally uncultured, you Yee-Haw.
And to the rest of you who may have become recently enamored of this
ill-bred, wanna-be cowboy in horrendous suits remember