American
Shoot-Out


 



… And with the most recent school shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, America – again – discovers that it plays host to a series of shooting galleries – as most carnivals do. More traditional carnivals, however, have the stuffed animals always at the ready, already in stock for memorials.

And now the two sides of the gun control debate assume their respective duel stances in Dodge – each claiming it’s the other side that wears the black hat. One side believes they have the ‘Founding Fathers’ on their side who not only fully anticipated the coming of rapid-fire assault weapons, but – as Founding Fathers – cannot be ones of flounder or fault as an ensemble of Moseses carrying tablets. They were Super-Human, silly – much like extraterrestrials – with foresight and intellectual abilities far beyond those of ordinary men who have done nothing more than take up space ever since.

Ironically, it’s the less-than-ordinary who believe that. And, with that, a nation that has been crippled – or simply shot down dead – because of it. And all for the entertainment of penis-shriveled, Revolutionary War reenactors – and the women who love them … (anyway).

Yes, yes – I know there are those who possess guns – indeed, several of them – for their … protection. I’ve know a few of them personally, and I’ve always asked, “Do you intend to shoot the intruder with each of your seven guns in succession – or all at once? And if so, how?”

Yeah. The protection arsenal worked out real well for Nancy Lanza, didn’t it? She had believed that America was heading towards a Financial Armageddon and secured a cache of weapons to protect the hoarded canned goods in the pantry of her million dollar home, soon to be breeched by the hairy arms projecting through the windows like Night of The Living Dead’.

As it turns out, she’s not among them. Not living. Not Living Dead. Just … dead.

Nancy Lanza’s face was shot off by one of her own guns – and by her own son, pathologically disgruntled over 15 years of bad haircuts that made his head look like the helmet of Darth Vader.

In truth, it’s not an entirely uncommon occurrence among family members who have a gun or two … (or more … for their own protection. They find themselves killed by their own troops … and their own gun – and far more frequently than the cherished occasion of neutralizing an intruder. In fact, one of the more common uses of the domestic firearm – or, pardon – Family Gun … is to off oneself as an act of suicide. Alas, with regret – unlike pills – there just isn’t much time to change one’s mind after the trigger is pulled. But while one couldn’t change their mind, the brain certainly was. If nothing else, it was relocated to the wall.

Still, yeah … I know people – personally – who actually carry guns for their protection … kind of. Two of them are talk radio hosts. There’d be a far greater chance of them shooting one another if either one thought they could get away with it, but … In Talk Radio, ‘concealed weapons’ (made known to anyone who will listen) are an industry prop in Talk Radio. It carries the implication that one is so controversial, people want you dead. And in Talk radio, you’re dead if people don’t want you dead, it’s reasoned – so the illusion has to be created at the very least. It’s generally synthesized, sidebar drama.

But, as I told one host while half-asleep as a guest on his early morning show some years back …

“If someone were really out to ‘Alan Berg’ you, you wouldn’t even see it coming. They could come up to you from behind as you strolled the sidewalk and you wouldn’t have so much as a microsecond of opportunity to even unsnap your holster.”

And then I do have friends who hunt. Three, maybe four. We don’t talk about it. My position is pretty well known on such matters. It’s a position that’s rather unique in the Great Gun Debate, and it goes a little like this …

“If humanity wants to carry on, roaming the streets to blow one another’s brains out across the pavement – fine – knock yourselves out. See if I care ... But at least leave the fucking animals alone, for Christ sake.”

You see, people … while most proclaim to worry about their cherished hunting rights, the hunting rifle would be the first thing I’d outlaw in Joseph’s Brave New World. That’s what make my brand of ‘gun control’ … different. You can keep your 22 in the glove box for when your girlfriend pisses you off, okay?* (*1 in 2 women – that’s 50% of them – who take a bullet, do so at the hands of someone they’ve been intimate with).

But yes, as it relates to hunting, I’ve heard the arguments. That one is saving the herd … by thinning the herd. And yet … the mammal inhabitants of this world have managed to survive for quite some time – all on their own – as the planet continued to rotate on its axis for millions and millions of years (or 6,000 if you’re a neo-conservative) – without the eventual benefit of Elmer Fudd dutifully tracing into the woods with his Winchester to … ‘sort things out’.

Okay, enough. I’m not accustomed to irate emails from friends.

Still, there are those of the ‘Armed-Teacher Solution’ variety who will inevitably ask me … If I was in that elementary school on the day of the shooting massacre, wouldn’t have I wished to have a gun at my side?

In that moment … yes. But then – more generally – no …

For when you roam this world, so in-fear, you feel the need to constantly arm yourself against it … your life … has already been taken from you. And evil … has already won.

So, for each of you, arm yourselves as you see fit. But for me … I prefer not to give evil that victory.

– Joseph –

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