And with the most recent school shooting in Newtown, Connecticut,
America again discovers that it plays host to a series of shooting
galleries as most carnivals do. More traditional carnivals, however,
have the stuffed animals always at the ready, already in stock for memorials.
And now the two sides of the gun control debate assume their respective duel
stances in Dodge each claiming its the other side that wears
the black hat. One side believes they have the Founding Fathers
on their side who not only fully anticipated the coming of rapid-fire assault
weapons, but as Founding Fathers cannot be ones of flounder
or fault as an ensemble of Moseses carrying tablets. They were Super-Human,
silly much like extraterrestrials with foresight and intellectual
abilities far beyond those of ordinary men who have done nothing more than
take up space ever since.
Ironically, its the less-than-ordinary who believe that. And, with
that, a nation that has been crippled or simply shot down dead
because of it. And all for the entertainment of penis-shriveled, Revolutionary
War reenactors and the women who love them
Yes, yes I know there are those who possess guns indeed, several
of them for their
protection. Ive know a few of them
personally, and Ive always asked, Do you intend to shoot the
intruder with each of your seven guns in succession or all
at once? And if so, how?
Yeah. The protection arsenal worked out real well for Nancy Lanza, didnt
it? She had believed that America was heading towards a Financial Armageddon
and secured a cache of weapons to protect the hoarded canned goods in the
pantry of her million dollar home, soon to be breeched by the hairy arms
projecting through the windows like Night of The Living Dead.
As it turns out, shes not among them. Not living. Not Living Dead.
Nancy Lanzas face was shot off by one of her own guns and by
her own son, pathologically disgruntled over 15 years of bad haircuts that
made his head look like the helmet of Darth Vader.
In truth, its not an entirely uncommon occurrence among family members
who have a gun or two
for their own protection. They
find themselves killed by their own troops
and their own gun
and far more frequently than the cherished occasion of neutralizing an intruder.
In fact, one of the more common uses of the domestic firearm or, pardon
is to off oneself as an act of suicide. Alas, with
regret unlike pills there just isnt much time to change
ones mind after the trigger is pulled. But while one couldnt
change their mind, the brain certainly was. If nothing else, it was relocated
to the wall.
I know people personally who actually carry
guns for their protection
kind of. Two of them are talk radio hosts.
Thered be a far greater chance of them shooting one another if
either one thought they could get away with it, but
In Talk Radio,
concealed weapons (made known to anyone who will listen) are
an industry prop in Talk Radio. It carries the implication that one is so
controversial, people want you dead. And in Talk radio, youre dead
if people dont want you dead, its reasoned so the illusion
has to be created at the very least. Its generally synthesized, sidebar
But, as I told one host while half-asleep as a guest on his early morning
show some years back
If someone were really out to Alan Berg you, you wouldnt
even see it coming. They could come up to you from behind as you strolled
the sidewalk and you wouldnt have so much as a microsecond of opportunity
to even unsnap your holster.
And then I do have friends who hunt. Three, maybe four. We dont talk
about it. My position is pretty well known on such matters. Its a position
thats rather unique in the Great Gun Debate, and it goes a little like
If humanity wants to carry on, roaming the streets to blow one
anothers brains out across the pavement fine knock yourselves
out. See if I care ... But at least leave the fucking animals alone,
for Christ sake.
You see, people
while most proclaim to worry about their cherished
hunting rights, the hunting rifle would be the first thing Id outlaw
in Josephs Brave New World. Thats what make my brand of gun
different. You can keep your 22 in the glove box for
when your girlfriend pisses you off, okay?* (*1 in 2 women thats
50% of them who take a bullet, do so at the hands of someone theyve
been intimate with).
But yes, as it relates to hunting, Ive heard the arguments. That one
is saving the herd
by thinning the herd. And yet
inhabitants of this world have managed to survive for quite some time
all on their own as the planet continued to rotate on its axis for
millions and millions of years (or 6,000 if youre a neo-conservative)
without the eventual benefit of Elmer Fudd dutifully tracing into
the woods with his Winchester to
sort things out.
Okay, enough. Im not accustomed to irate emails from friends.
Still, there are those of the Armed-Teacher Solution variety
who will inevitably ask me
If I was in that elementary school on the
day of the shooting massacre, wouldnt have I wished to have a gun at
In that moment
yes. But then more generally no
For when you roam this world, so in-fear, you feel the need to constantly
arm yourself against it
has already been taken
from you. And evil
has already won.
So, for each of you, arm yourselves as you see fit. But for me
not to give evil that victory.