Welcome to Boston

The Epicenter of Liberalism

“ ... rife with corruption, cronyism, nepotism, and wholesale criminal negligence.”

Living in Milton and doing some light shopping in Newton can contribute to an isolated and insulated illusion that the world is at relative peace and, indeed, comes with its own Hollywood soundtrack – if you’re, you know, white and Catholic. I was raised as both, so I can mingle freely among the local Leprechauns, with infrequent detection. And while Milton has been recently ranked at 'Number 7' among the 'Top 100 Best Places to Live' in America, I can only hope that isn't actually true. It merely makes one wonder as to just how far the rest of America has degenerated in more recent times. But still, just a few miles and some minutes away, there is a darkness …

When most of the country considers Boston – at least those who view it favorably … maybe even those who don’t – an image is often conjured of Harvard and M.I.T., flanked by David Gergen on one side … and James Taylor on the other. But Harvard and M.I.T. are in Cambridge, not Boston – and James Taylor has long since moved away to Berkshire County in western Massachusetts. And if your notions of Bostonians are further forged by the warm, cheerful, and amiable Bob Villa and Norm Abram of ‘This Old House’ – yup – you’ve been duped. If you additionally summon mental images of innumerable elite intellectuals sitting around bookstore coffeehouses, pondering high concepts, then – oh – Boston’s long-held press releases have really fucked with your head.

In truth, this ... liberal town ... is easily among the most bigoted, close-minded, race-conscious, corrupt, incompetent, ill-spoken, and uneducated oasis of intolerance that my liberal contemporaries could have conjured. Welcome to Boston – where the culturally enlightened may refer to the upscale Brookline as ‘Jew Town’ … which seems only fair, given that the community-minded City of Boston, themselves, block-busted the Jews out of three other areas of town.

Now, for those of you paying attention, you may have sensed a suggestion that few others would dare imply, shattering years of careful image-building. Simply put, Boston … is not liberal (read that again). But it may just be the epicenter for what liberalism has become. And if it is, then the conservative movement has been handed more fire-power to sully liberalism, and its civilized members, than conservatives could have ever fantasized in their most ejaculatory of wet dreams ... presuming, of course, that conservatives – indeed – conjure naughty images.
Yes, every city organizes its Kodak Picture Moments Gallery as part of its bus tour. But no, Boston is not Beacon Hill and Back Bay. It is – to a much greater extent – a bombed out, burned out, bummed out, slummed out, out house, just this side of Trenton and Detroit. For the true and actual Boston is, indeed, far less Newbury and Boylston Street and far more Blue Hill Avenue.

Boston isn’t a mecca of the intellectual elite. It is comprised of ‘Dot Rats’, ‘Dotties’, ‘Southies’ and ‘Townies’ as proud, self-titled proclamations of being among those in allegiance with other uneducated, trashed-out and burned-up, drunken Cathoholics.

Boston isn’t John Quincy Adams, John Hancock, and Benjamin Franklin. It is a city that, on this day, is far more historically influenced by MIA gangster, Whitey Bulger and his extended crime family that included a brother as President of the Massachusetts State Senate, now collecting a state pension for his stint as the President of The University of Massachusetts … not to be confused with the other brother, a Massachusetts court clerk magistrate, convicted of perjury before two grand juries (I might refer you to Howie Carr’s book, ‘The Brothers Bulger: How They Terrorized and Corrupted Boston for a Quarter Century’).

But the Bulgers – along with segregationalists, Mayor Ray Flynn, Louise Day Hicks and Albert "Dapper" O'Neil – were merely precursors to a city that became no less ruthless and corrupt. Rather, the next-generation power brokers simply became slicker – if not smarter, more mainstream, and further entrenched in the body politics of Boston, along with the unions, inclusive of the police – and all venues of ‘city services’.

Boston isn’t ‘Cheers’. It’s an endless array of broken-down dive bars, several open for breakfast. An omelet, two strips of bacon, and Irish whiskey. Mmm, mmm, good. Parking lots and sidewalks are littered with the small nip bottles that much of the more civilized world has only seen in their airline travels. While double parking is a matter of tradition in Boston, without citation, triple parking merely signals the location of a liquor store just ahead. ‘Cheers’ is for the tourist. For the lion’s share of Bostonians, the front stoop of a Section 8 apartment complex works just as well. And, like actual bars, the entrance stairs also has its regulars, ‘where everybody knows your name’.

Boston isn’t the epicenter of the finest hospitals and physicians known to man – no matter how often each medical center proclaims that they’re the “best and most respected in the world” (and they actually do that). It’s a city that Mr. Heath Care, himself – Ted Kennedy – flew out of to get his specialized care in North Carolina. Say, ‘Hey’ to your Aunt Bee … Meanwhile, the physicians and other health workers sit in public restaurants with blood and sputum dripping off of lab coats and scrubs, speaking proudly of their infectious disease units … No … really … I’m not making this shit up.

But let’s say you prefer to self-medicate. Where could one get the very best in life-altering drugs – even if they may not be regarded as “pharmaceuticals”, per se? Why, the Boston police, of course. And you can be assured of its purity because they trafficked it, themselves. See the select members of Boston’s law enforcement for your ‘Assurance of Quality’. Consultations are free.

But beyond this ‘public service’, expect little. I used to wonder why there were so many infractions going on along the streets – from triple parking to behaviors less benign – with police cars parked right along the curb. You could drive up on the sidewalk – with the police in plain sight, even – and no response. Then it was explained to me … Many of Boston’s finest weren’t where they were actually assigned to be. To ‘respond’ would only draw attention to the fact that they were ‘out of district’ … Indeed, the cops from District C-11 were down banging their girlfriends in District B-3, and the District B-3 cops were screwing their booty in District E-13. You know … to service and protect. This, in between protracted cell phone calls from their cruisers, mixing it up with personal errands across town … Indeed, for the Boston police, murder, itself, isn't regarded as a homicide. It's an inconvenient interruption.

Okay, so the City of Boston didn’t get a previously unknown wind of this … Rather, it was "brought to their attention" (there’s a difference). With this, they had to respond. Damn. And, with that, they proposed to outfit the police cruisers with tracking devices. Alas, a problem … The Police Union cited it as a violation of their civil rights, vigorously fought it … and won. Really, I swear … I’m not making this shit up. The patrol cars … that didn’t actually belong to the police (or their union), but rather, to the Boston taxpayer, were not allowed to be outfitted with trackers because it violated the privacy of the on-duty police officers.

The plot would nevertheless thicken in 2009 when members of both the Boston Police and Fire Department voiced strong objection to a new policy that banned them from public drinking in the St. Patrick’s Day parade, in uniform … And we’re not talking Gatorade here …

This party-like atmosphere, indeed, extends into all city services. Some time back, a local television news team secretly followed a variety of city workers with video cameras throughout the course of their working days. And so it was ... as they floated about town, socializing, visiting friends, running some errands, having prolonged pub lunches, and bringing their hot food in styrofoam containers to local parks for extended picnics. They estimated that the city workers were devoting less than an hour or two a day to their actual job assignment. This investigatory news coverage would more recently be repeated for the neighboring town of Quincy ... with strikingly similar results.

But at least the ambulances seem to be on top of things when, at any given moment, there are more sirens sounding off in Boston than the Blitz of London in World War II. And they’re not generally transporting simple trip and fall injuries. Such is the peace and love of my native liberalism.

Welcome to Boston.

Taxation, a hallmark of Boston and the State of Massachusetts, despite the earliest of revolts, was originally conceived to fund and address a rather simple list of needs. Chief among them, defense and infrastructure. We’ve already briefly covered the defense portion of our program with a quick overview of the Boston police department. But what of the infrastructure, you ask? Don’t ask …

The Boston roads are a strong candidate to be indicted for their axle-breaking, wheel-deforming, tire-shredding, bulb-popping, fuse-ejecting crimes against humanity. In short, it’s simply pointless to have your automobile aligned, outside of the academic exercise. The car, in fact, won’t be able to hold its alignment over the distance between the service center and your driveway. I say this literally, without exaggeration. And, in many instances, your suspension system will be blown out within the space of one to two years, following complete replacement. Even a Mercedes mechanic who could have made a fair amount of money for strut replacements advised me, “Wait until they get really bad. You’ll just be back next year, anyway.” It’s been estimated that the cost of automotive repair due to the Boston roads is over $750, per vehicle … per year. Be that as it may, in one’s effort to ‘dodge the holes’ – much like a video game – how does one ‘watch the road’ when you have to actually … watch … the … road?

JOSEPH LAW, No. 195:
No state may impose vehicular inspection when one's own roads couldn't possibly pass similar scrutiny.

It’s not just the potholes – craters, rather – that the city ostensibly repairs with the cheap driveway sealer that one buys at Home Depot. It’s the entire road surface. The manhole covers, as an example, are often sunk so far below grade, you ponder as to why they bother with the covers at all. Moreover, you wonder whose cousin got the contract for these covers as the manholes are commonly placed in ‘threes’ only 3 feet apart from one another … all leading to the very same place. It’s the perfect contractual compliment to eight traffic signals for just one direction at a singular intersection on a two-lane road.

But it’s a damn shame that the city can’t sufficiently light the roads from above. I refer to these sub-lumen night lights on poles as ‘sky markers’. These should not be confused with the sporadic lights along the Massachusetts highways that are … there … sometimes … but never actually on. In fact, they’re not even hooked up. But a contractual obligation had been met. And to make matters worse, the painted lane markers on the road are entirely non-reflective – dashed, instead, with white house primer, completely lost and entirely invisible on wet pavement. No matter, really. Boston drivers routinely make up the lanes as they go, as a matter of course. Summarily, Boston has provided you with among the most dangerous roads in the country. And, as a Bostonian, you paid for it …

At least a special fund has been set aside to replace the dozens of misspelled road signs. And again, no ... I'm still not making this shit up.

City of Boston Commissioned
Public Art entitled,
'Love Your NeiGhbor, AB yoRSelf: Don't Ever Dou Drugs'.

Well, at least it kept the Boston public school teenagers busy with something to do. This would not include the professionally produced road signs.

In fairness, Boston does have to divert over $600 million a year away from all other roads and bridges to pay their monthly installments on the 22 billion dollar, Big Dig project – or almost the cost of the entire infrastructure improvement proposal under President Obama’s original stimulus package for the whole nation. This bought a 3.5 mile tunnel that leaks like a spaghetti colander in the wall fissures and ceiling – at least when the ceiling isn’t collapsing, crushing people in its wake. Oh … their cars, too. And why? No, it wasn’t just the staples and hobby-grade epoxy used in the construction. As phrased at Workers.org …

“The whole Big Dig project has been rife with corruption, cronyism, graft, nepotism and wholesale criminal negligence.”

Yeah … Welcome to Boston.

And upon completion, there was little actual improvement in traffic flow – anywhere. For Boston never learned that, traffic accidents aside, congestion really happens at the exits and beyond, simply working its way back to the main arteries. Alas, Boston has no two traffic lights in sync and basic city planning, including the raw fundamentals of traffic regulation, remains to be an entirely elusive concept to Boston ... Billions could have been saved, otherwise.

In a related aside, combine this with Boston drivers who are not only pathological in their every move, but who are also dexterously unskilled on top of it. Rage, combined with absolutely no perceivable motor skills. Bostonians, after all, are what they call 'angry drunks' ... even when they haven't been drinking. Perhaps this is why the lower edge of the Massachusetts license plate reads, 'The Evil Spirit of America' ...

But despite the – you know – deaths, don’t think that Boston isn’t looking out for your well-being. Oh, they are … No, the City of Boston isn’t the FDA, OSHA, the EPA, the ATF – or any federal agency, for that matter. They merely think they are …

In 2009, the Boston Public Health Commission mandated that no cigarettes could be sold at Boston pharmacies ... Jeno’s Pizza Rolls, Castle Burgers, Cheetos, and Mountain Dew, fine. But smokes?  No. I know … you anal retentive types applaud it. But there is a principle here. Boston told large corporations (Walgreens, CVS, and Rite-Aid, among others) that they couldn’t legally sell … a fully legal product. Any one of the pharmacies could have taken it to court – and won … easily. But no, they folded. Now for you gleeful, rabid anti-smokers, I have a little something special just for you, as well … as so many of you are obese …

The severely speech-impaired, village idiot that the locals call ‘Mayor’ had a great idea and, by way of … The Boston Public Health Commission, Mayor Tom Menino would ban the use of any trans-fats in all of Boston’s bakeries. So now The City of Boston will not only tell you what entirely legal product you can or can’t sell, but they further rule as to how one produces their legal product. Yes, this – in itself – is illegal. That’s right. But the panty-waisted, Casper Milquetoast Bostonians simply lay down … and die.

But they do get their frustrations out … regarding any one of a number of things … Compounding all of their other problems, many Boston residents suffer from a well-deserved, penis-envied inferiority complex to New York – an emotional anguish not helped by the Bostonian’s two-tiered addiction to cabbage and heroin. This has resulted in, say, a family being pulled from a car bearing New York license plates and, on the presumption that they were Yankees fans, were beaten with baseball bats (appropriately enough). Oh, yeah … the children, too.

It is further a town that curiously celebrates its sports victories … by trashing the town, a la Watts riot. Imagine when they lose. Yes, I know the area is best known for leeches, scarlet letters and witch-burnings, but surely the locals must have advanced, sociologically, on some level … right?

But no, they endeavor to sodomize black men with flagpoles in front of City Hall – in broad daylight, with Bostonians looking on – and the police ... standing down.

Did I mention that Boston is racist?

Well, baseball legend, Barry Bonds did in 2004 when he said that he’d never play for the Red Sox because "Boston was too racist." He wouldn’t do it for a $50 million contract that included 10,000 steroid injections, in fact. But what of those who have played for the Sox? Several former players – both black and white – cited Boston as the most racist city they had ever known. Imagine fucking their fan-base like that with such unkind words.

You may well wonder, why then, Massachusetts elected a black governor in the ineffectual form of Deval Patrick – as a man who would hire his wholly unqualified friends and neighbors for positions that had been long retired. I’ll tell you that just as soon as you explain how the state also voted in four Republican governors in succession, from 1991 to 2007 … There is often an odd ‘disconnect’ as to how the state votes and the general mood on the street. Go figure …

Enter gay marriage. First, do not confuse judicial and legislative actions with Boston’s general ‘tone’ and sentiments. After all, a police presence was significantly stepped-up in the Back Bay neighborhood after several brutal beatings of the gays who lived in the area – more than doubling in anti-gay hate crimes between 2004 and 2007, further increasing since. And not just two or three of them, mind you. Dozens of them. These should not be confused with the over 200 general purpose, garden-variety hate crimes the city enjoys on a yearly basis. And those are just the reported ones.

Welcome to Boston.

A question ….. If public assistance results in “the assisted” outnumbering “the public”, can it still be regarded as ‘help’? And, if so, who should be screaming for help? When the Number One question in Boston rental real estate is, “do you take Section 8?”, there may be a problem. This point of inquiry coming before any exploration as to, say, how many bedrooms a rental may have. To help expedite the apartment search, several buildings conveniently post handmade signs at the windows that declare, ‘We Take Section 8”.

Curious thing, this Welfare Reform Act. Both the Republicans and the Democrats proudly claim it as their own. And yet … look four columns over on the ledger sheet … and behold what has happened in the disability column since – factored separately from ‘conventional welfare’. Now, in Boston, both alcoholism and crack cocaine addiction are regarded as bona fide disabilities. Benefits are issued in a heartbeat. Yet, curiously, those who have suffered – and survived – massive and disabling aneurysms – as just one example – have to jump through hoops of fire, waiting months and years for a single disability benefit.

Be that as it may, if you prefer not to be part of Boston’s proud, indigenous tradition of alcoholism and chronic drug addiction, there’s still a plan for you

Enter one of Newt Gingrich’s sociological solutions: Foster Homes. Okay, so when the welfare money reached the end of its newly-imposed shelf-life, foster care became the new darling of the welfare community. In fact, the welfare-foster mother in Boston would soon come to learn that they could secure more money by taking in someone else’s bastard child than they had ever received for their own. Yeah! Up to over $1,000 a pop – per month, plus perks, inclusive of camp and full transportation pickup. No caps, no terms, no ‘end-life’ – and seemingly little investigation ... In time, children were soon being stacked, several-deep, on floor-strewn mattresses and cots, spilling out into hallways. The foster mothers were dutifully serving up a diet of bread, water, chips and store-brand soda. Then they went out to lease SUVs, purchase widescreen televisions, and make their appointments for hair and nails.

Indeed, Boston – more than any other city of which I’m aware – demonstrated that there was never such a thing as Welfare Reform. Just Welfare Redux ... only better … For if you collect food stamps, now modernized by Boston’s EBT cards, you’re currently also entitled to a free cell phone – and service. What a deal.

But wait ... It gets better – much better ... For now welfare recipients in Boston (and throughout the Commonwealth of Massachusetts) would also be entitled to  ... a free car, as well. It kind of makes the complimentary cell phone service seem incidental, doesn't it? The state currently pays $4,000, per unit, to an out-of-state non-profit for donated cars that end up costing the taxpayer just around $6,000 a pop (for the first year). And how does that extra $2,000 get added on top? Because the welfare recipient also gets fully subsidised insurance to go along with that car. Yes, the excise tax is also paid. And because some of these cars may - at any time - break down some distance away from a preferred garage that may cost as much as $200 in towing fees, free roadside assistance is also included. This, as it was argued, because a $200 towing fee would cut too deeply into the individual's monthly welfare check. It was additionally argued that it all ... (quote) "makes sense because it helps take families off welfare." ... But why would they want to be taken off, at this point?  Jesus.  And, yet again, I shit you not. This is all very real.

Welcome to Boston.

Look, I've been one to believe in helping people out – really, but this is all getting just a bit weird – even for me ...  

Okay, I know you aficionados of Boston – or of a socialized liberalism – are comforting yourselves in the belief that I’m somehow ‘cherry-picking’ the anecdotal to deliberately put ‘BeanTown’ (named after the legume's associated flatulence) in a harsh and cruel light. But no. I have, in truth, merely provided the briefest of overviews regarding Boston, not speaking even the half of it.. There was a profound frustration in trying to cover so much in a relatively compact space for a piece destined for Internet readership. And I couldn’t possibly be entirely successful in that endeavor. One could go on with a dedicated website of its very own.

By way of a cyclical realignment of planets, it would turn out that my home outside of the city would be only a short distance away from a childhood friend who I grew up with in Port Washington, New York. He argues that Boston can't be singularly characterized, as there are many 'Bostons'. I do believe that he's correct. Such could be said, perhaps, of any urban center. But I counter that when a city encompasses multiple personalities – some quad-polar – the city is most defined by the city that dominates ... and the one that ultimately prevails above all others.

Be mindful of the fact that I hail from the bleeding heart wing of liberalism. And for me to notice these sociological aberrations – and outright perversions, things just can’t be good. I can’t yet say whether Boston demonstrates the outright failure of liberalism – or if it exists merely as a twisted and perverse application of the same. I’m still trying to sort that out … But what I can say is that Boston is not of ‘liberal mind’. It is simply madness, in cognitive disarray. At the least, it may well demonstrate what liberalism can become, if left unchecked. Some would argue that the outcome is innate in all of liberalism, itself. And they may not be entirely wrong. It sadly took Boston, itself, for me to entertain that possibility. Being born and raised in the liberal tradition, liberalism always seemed like such a wonderful thing ... until one was forced to actually look at it – or, perhaps ... have one's nose rubbed in it. And I get no pleasure or satisfaction from saying this. No, this isn’t mutiny, my fellow liberals. It’s mere objectivity.

It might be ultimately survivable if Boston's brand of unchecked, 'free-verse' liberalism was simply the monster that ended up consuming itself. But no. It has, over time, become stronger – destroying a great deal of what was in its wake, much like Godzilla.

The shame – or rather, pity – of Boston is in what it could have been, rather than what it’s become, relative to its history – and, moreover, historical intent. It’s since been squandered, used, bludgeoned, and sullied to what is likely irretrievable levels. And, as it relates to Boston, we can’t blame the conservatives for that one, now … can we?


EPILOGUE: While having survived the orgy-scale sex scandal at the renowned Milton Academy, the Norman Rockwell town seemingly couldn't brush away a 19 year old decapitating the head of his 5 year old sister with a kitchen knife in front of the stunned police ... so they could watch. This, after having already stabbed his 17 year old sister to death, prior to the unsuccessful attempt to murder his 9 year old sibling. The townspeople of Milton would be left to wonder if this might, in some way, adversely effect their 'Number 7' standing among the 'Best Places to Live in America' ...

WE CARE. REALLY CARE: Taking an enforcement cue from Boston, the State of Massachusetts would outlaw the sale and distribution of ice cream in all public schools as part of their new, statewide 'Wellness Policy'.

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