was a time within my own lifetime that things werent
quite like this. Or, as several have assessed of late, This isnt
your fathers Republican Party. Thats quite true. For a
preceding generation of North Shore Long Island Republicans, they were iconically
represented by Dashing Dan as their constant railroad traveling
companion into the city what we called Wall Street Journal
Republicans. And, in my earliest childhood
that was most
Yes, my North Shore had Democrats, but the only ones whod ride the
Dashing Dan trek worked at CBS. The rest of them taught at the Post campus
of Long Island University. They drove Karman Ghias, soon to be replaced by
Still, looking back to that childhood, it was a great time for Republicans
indeed, for conservatives. They had William Buckley. John McLaughlin.
And no one complained. There were no conservative movements to defund our
Channel 13 just rather civil political discussions with
Paul Duke and the gang on Washington Week in Review. Actual
journalists all of them. Years of tangible experience within the beltway.
They had stories. Perspectives, even. Opinions, certainly. But no agendas.
Yes, this was two decades before FOX News would quickly concoct an ensemble
of personalities of slim background. Men principally chosen for
being visually reminiscent of cruise ship lounge singers and the FOX
women, faithfully maintaining the nail technician look they had mastered
back in beautician school. But with the Nail-Tech community soon to be overtaken
by Asians and Latinos, FOX News to their credit would gainfully
employ those who otherwise looked too dressed-up cheap for The Weather Channel.
And speaking of Sarah Palin, did you know that shes a FOX News
Political Analyst now? I swear. Thats her title. No shit.
Its quality personality-personnel, such as this, that has
made FOX News the compulsively self-touted Number One Name in Cable
News as an implied superiority that, by such logic, suggests that McDonalds
also makes the best hamburgers.
What they never told you is, FOX News not under the direct
auspices of News Corp, actually, but the FOX Entertainment Group,
appropriately enough would go cable-viral by giving it
away ... Actually, thats not entirely true. They, in an unheard
of fashion, paid cable providers as much as $11 per subscriber
head (a rather huge sum, collectively) to offer the network on their
outlets. This, in harsh contrast to conventional practices where the cable
and satellite providers pay the content provider such as CNN,
say to carry the programming. Thats how FOX News peppered itself
throughout the country and would be packaged in the thriftiest of
basic cable subscriptions unlike MSNBC, say. End result: More heads.
And each one
But this is just the sidebar story the stage set as one that
merely assisted in the de-intellectualization of conservative thought. For
the Republican party and, by extension, the conservative movement
would begin to lose its intellect some years ago. Yes, there do
remain some few intellectuals of traditional conservative thought. The thing
most of you wouldnt recognize their names least of
all, those who currently cite themselves as conservatives. For they
on FOX News.
Truth be told, the Neo-Conservative movement would make the same mistake
as liberalism had, prior. Intellect would become subordinate to emotion.
The difference would be that the emotions of liberalism would be cheap
and affected, as a matter of fashion. For the Neo-Con, in contrast,
emotion would become rooted in the pathological. And it was very real, without
pose without style.
It would be crazy. Nuts. And utterly classless.
With that, I now say to my true (actual) conservative friends I hold
dear, youd no longer be identified with the likes of Bill Buckley,
who I often cite as a known example, now departed. Instead, youd be
defined by the likes of Glenn Beck
the sociopathic, Ted Nugent,
even and CongressGirl, Allen West, now resting comfortably at a
psychiatric facility in Boca Raton, navigating a chromatic array of colored
construction paper with a pair of rounded safety scissors under staff
mean, theres a piece of work
.. Allen West. One who girlishly
prances off from his own congressional district once it favors the opposition
something akin to a military coward who runs away from the enemy,
to safer territory, in the interest of saving his own ass, leaving his
constituency behind to fend for themselves.
For thats exactly what the milquetoast sissy would do
and for that very reason: To save his own panty-waisted, enthusiastically
receptive ass. After all, its only his mind thats vacant.
West now hopes to be soaking his nylons in the newly-formed 18th Congressional
District of Florida where he believes he can continue to drink Shirley Temples
at the Officers Club away from enemy lines.
In balance or as it relates to the unbalanced, perhaps West
is a not-too-bright, but prolifically deranged man with too recent
of a military experience to blame it on the inhalation of Agent Orange. But,
still theres more where (s)he came from ... as we still wait
for that planet to be formally named on this day.
For West would be only one iconic example of the Nut-Case Right, plagued
with a medley of paranoid delusions, conjuring contests and battlegrounds
where either none exist or are of little consideration. I do try to
comfort them, poor dears, explaining that The Left can no more engage in
Class Warfare with the classless than we can involve ourselves
in a Culture War with the uncultured.
mean, come on
Its not like The Tea Party is known for
Classless. Uncultured. Ignorant. Ill-spoken. Unlettered ... Unrefined Riffraff.
And those are their own, coveted formal titles.
The problem is, my conservative friends by association
theyve become your titles.
Think about that.
For as long as you and the leaders of your party dont
youre associated. More than
associated. Defined. And for the next couple of decades to come if you
dont chop that demented head off.
Dont be lured by the mere potential of the otherwise ineffectual Tea
Party Representatives in Congress serving as your Crash Dummy
votes to provide a numerical advantage for the issues you might care about.
For, in time, the price youll pay
.. will be everything.
Not that I should care. But for a complex and multi-layered set of reasons,
somehow does. To my conservative friends
grieve for you. For youre potentially the greatest victims
And no, Im not speaking about Rush Limbaugh here. Forget
him as liberals should also do. Hes wholly incidental,
simply creating the illusion that he isnt. As anyone directly involved
in campaign politics over the past 50 years would tell you, celebrity
endorsements (or condemnations) hasnt ever determined
the outcome of any statewide or national election. Not once. Not ever.
No, not even Sinatra singing for Jack. So much not so, the
campaign pros dont even have a metric for it, being so far below the
The closest such has ever happened in a possible exception
that was remote would be Oprah Winfreys endorsement of
Barack Obama at a critical point in the primary season. She provided
Obama with viability NOT electability.
I bring this up for a reason
doesnt actually matter as it relates to
electability. After all, while FOX likes to engage in its ratings pissing
contest with its two cable competitors, outside of convention coverage and
election night, more Americans get their news the news that
matters to them from Entertainment Tonight and
Access Hollywood than all three cable news outlets
Thats how (and why) Oprah if only in the academic
would have greater (theoretical) influence than Rush Limbaugh or
anyone in talk radio.
But heres where FOX News and talk radio does matter
Theyre providing the stage set the scenery for
the nut-jobs Ive been speaking of often the ones not running
for public office. Sometimes
people within their own ranks. And it
is here in an indirect sense that the outcomes
of elections can be influenced and yes determined. But not
in a way, my conservative friends
that you might like.
You can dismiss my words, conservative friends as I could counter,
wait and see. But
can you really afford to do that? To
be defined by the diseased minds who have leeched onto your party like parasites?
Do you really want to take that risk? Maybe you do.