Dr. Zira: What will the Republicans find out there, doctor?
Camera truck shot follows Mitt and Ann Romney galloping along the beachfront
on their horse, Rafalca. Mitt pulls back on reigns to halt horse, dismounts,
drops to knees, pounds sand with fist - in anguish.
Mitt Romney: Gosh-Darn them all
Wide shot of beachfront, behind Romneys and Rafalca. Scene reveals the Statue
of Liberty in background (matte shot).
Planet of The Republicans, 1968
Of course, in the lesser, copycat film of the same year, Planet of
The Apes, the Republicans played all the parts. The Apes
naturally denying all of scientific knowledge, rejecting any
suggestion that they were derivatives of mankind, most of all. And the GOP
monkey- mouthpiece leaders prohibited those they ruled from entering The
Forbidden Zone where knowledge might be procured.
It would be a planet where history had been entirely rewritten by the Republi-Ape
elders ... A planet that was no more than 6,000 years old, where Consera-Monkey
and Man would rise in unison as a synchronous coincidence ...
as told. No relation.
And then there was Astronaut, George Taylor again, played by a Republican
who would, indeed, find his destiny along with that of his
party, his people
The Statue of Liberty. The invitation to the tired, the poor
And with the huddled masses the tired and poor among them having
now bit the Republicans on the ass this past election day, The Apes have
as conservative Talkateer, Sean Hannity,
would put it. And the evolution would be fast: Less than 48 hours.
Now thats liberty
one that can only come from
evolution. No longer would Republican men have to wonder why
doctors always had to pull hair from their pilonidal cysts. Or why they called
its location a tailbone in the first place.
But such a Turbo-Evolution by many key Republicans should come as little
surprise. After all, theres something common to all, men and apes
you know alike
And it never takes long to kick in. No especially when its your
own ass thats being kicked.
Sure, initially the apes jumped up and down, made screeching noises, and
rattled their cable network cages. And there certainly was much in the way
of entertainment watching squirrel monkey, Karl Rove on election night
and, of course marmoset, Dick Morris, the day after. But in rather
short order, primate emotion is overtaken by the animal instinct of ones
own survival even if their tree-hopping candidate would continue
to lick his wounds. Still, in fairness, only he would see that all
the trees are at just the right height.
I mean, only a monkey
can make such a rapid, on-the-fly visual assessment.
But after 48 hours of post-election, hard drinking
I mean, harder
than usual even in Washington, some of the Republican
entertainment-analysts would calm down a bit soon beginning to clean
one another, picking shit out of each others hair whether real
or fashioned. And in these moments, more lucid that only inebriation
can bring to the Republican they could continue to ponder their survival
under liquid sedation
After all, they reasoned, evolution is brought about by adaptation
that which has always been required for continued survival. And if
it worked for Man, it might just work for Republicans
indeed, they could make better use of the opposing thumb, they now
With this, Sean Hannity and a host of others would soon sit
poised at their broadcast microphones in ponchos and sombreros ...
rethinking immigration policy.
The Editor of The Weekly Standard, Bill Kristol among others, inclusive
of Republicans on The Hill would soon reassess tax policy.
And when I say soon, I mean again within 48 hours
of election night. Maybe raising taxes on those making over $250,000 a year
isnt such a biggie, several would now think ... or
To me, $250,000 a year isnt rich its
comfortable. But thats okay, Republicans whatever
(now) floats your boat ... or keeps it from sinking, in your case
or in your mind, more accurately.
Greg Gutfeld of Red Eye and The Five
on FOX News
Well, I dont actually know what Gutfeld has
said of late, in truth but I cant see how it matters. I mean,
even the FOX News website refers to him as a personality
not an analyst. Oh, wait
. FOX News refers to all of their people as
personalities. If only their network calls could
be as accurate on election night.
But then there was Ann Coulter (I know
you regular readers have been
waiting for it)
Ann assessed the election results as being that coming
from a country comprised of more takers than makers. And as is
often the case with Ann, shes half right. There are certainly
fewer makers and by design. But shed go on
Its over, said Ann. There is no hope.
I must say, Ive never once known Ann to be so
But sometimes, conservative women can just be soooo
distraught. I just never expected it from Ann. Apparently,
it was enough for her to run out to buy another pack of cigarettes along
2nd Avenue. Poor thing.
But at least she didnt endeavor to recalibrate her entire psyche
her very conservative soul no, not as a woman whos always
been partial to black. Ann just
gave up now only sketching
quick, near-despondent outlines for her next book, Hopeless.
But for her contemporaries other conservatives no. At
the moment, theyre in the middle of some soul searching not
for content, mind you but existence.
Still, in this rummaging, theyve allowed emotion to overtake cool
intellect. While several conservatives believe theyve experienced a
lesson learned, they havent seemingly learned a fundamental
of national politics
You never let a one-off election night inalterably change your course. Liberal
Democrats have known that for a generation or more. Yes, Bill Clinton
recalibrated after his first midterm loss, but he did it so deftly, few people
really noticed. After all, he originally ran as an M.O.R. centrist in the
first place. And, with that, small-tweak adjustments would be moot.
But when youre a died-in-the-wool conservative hard right
responding with moderation, and with such haste
shows over. Moreover, youve been outed as having much
in common with your nominated candidate: Most anything for the win. Fundamentally
unprincipled, in short.
Yes, soften your immigration stance by all means. For even if you
were to split the Latino vote down the middle unlikely
youd still lose. Be open to higher taxes for the better
off yes. Youll still lose. Not that the Republicans have been
entirely up to snuff on their math skills of late, mind you.
how much are you willing to give up? How many things
on your time-honored list are you willing to
.. compromise and
in the literal sense of the word?
do it. Give it all up, in fact. The people
the takers will always remember who forced
your hand. So do surrender, by all means
without benefit. You might
as well, as you have little choice now and by your own hand. The one
that wasnt forced. Its the corner you walked
In contrast, consider the Democrats
In the midterm election of 2010, the Tea Party rose to some degree of political
notoriety after their hapless followers had been subjected to an updated
version of the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment originally commencing
in 1932, for four decades, to study the progression of untreated syphilis
in black people now revived and administered to the unwitting Tea
Party minions ... Ironic, I know. And for poor Allen West, the double-whammy.
Still, the syphilis-minded Tea Party secured some congressional victories.
But how did liberal Democrats respond in the subsequent 24 hours?
Or 24 months? Did they take to the television cameras and radio microphones
to ponder, You know
Maybe we should reconsider our positions
and give the Tea Party thoughts a closer look.
Did they walk
Where then, was the equivalency to what you hear in the conservative Republican
voices of this day, post 2012 election? Name them.
Take all the time you need ... Ill wait
there was no equivalency not in numbers, and
certainly not in intensity. For no it wasnt
over. And it wasnt
Instead, in 2012, the Democrats as ones who stuck to their principles,
whether right or wrong were rewarded with The White House, The Senate
in higher numbers, and could have had an even stronger presence in
The House if the Republicans didnt have the advantage in pre-election
redistricting. And the Tea Party would now exist in name only.
And reaping the benefit of this stand-firm political savvy seemingly
unknown to Republicans, the Democrats can now further embed policy, write
policy, move policy, appoint Supreme Court Justices and a menu of
other after-dinner delights that can potentially fill your tummies for a
Moreover, it was the very timing of the 2012 election and all
it could beget that would make it among the most devastating losses
for the Republicans in the past 100 years. Some know it. Others, they endeavor
to diminish it
or follow it.
For on this day in any or all events, the Republicans arent
leaders. Theyre in the rearview mirror. And in that reflective glance
Monkey see. Monkey do.