Sgt. Pepper's Bleeding Hearts Club Band
The Ultra-Left Shooting Massacre After-Party
Celebrating 50 Years of Insistent Reality.
Blood Libel, No. Blood Lust
My fellow Ultra-Leftist, gather round ... Gather round
I know its been real exciting around here this past
week or so what, with the Tucson shooting massacre, and all ... And
we most certainly do have reason to celebrate, naturally. For while
the conspiratorial, mainstream Trilateral Corporate Complex Commodity
Media Manipulation Matrix' would refer to those brutally gunned down as
"vic-tims" we on the Ultra-Left prefer to think of them as working
material. And although there are those more simple of mind
who see such misfortunes as (quote) tragedies, we know them better
Naturally, our Tucson shooting massacre After-Party was exceptionally
festive, filled with rapturous enthusiasm as it further energized
us all with a new, exciting opportunity for opposition-blame, as well as
our own time-honored tradition of victim usury. Yes, we had been down
this road several times before exploiting entire victim classes
as our tools, to our end riddled with affected affection. Like we
But this new and timely, spectacular event of opportunistic ambrosia
... was different. Somehow more ... personal. More human. More to the heart.
And the perfect-touch addition of that dead 9 year old couldn't have served
up an icing more delicious. I mean, was that just not perfect ?
What a gift.
Indeed, my fellow Ultra-Leftists ... this ... is 'Our Time'
our own New Morning in America that has no time ... for mourning.
And I applaud each and every one of you who, within the space of an
hour of the shooting rampage, took to the Internet Blogs and Social Networking
arenas as our new, next-generation black beret and mimeograph machine. For
it was here that your poured your hearts out with righteous and entirely
grief-free anger whether real of synthesized, it matters not.
Still, weve had our share of letdowns
With the gunman captured
alive, several eyewitnesses at hand, and Representative Gabrielle Gifford
regrettably taking only one bullet to the head, rather than several
as preferred, weve been deprived of our cherished opportunity to engage
in conspiracy theories as we would otherwise gather in the Safeway parking
lot to map out the triangulated fire possibilities.
And yes, I know certain
has more recently
emerged that is a great disappointment to us all. But remember verifiable
facts have often been the enemy of the Ultra-Left. They havent discouraged
us in the past. They shouldnt, in any way, daunt us now.
Sure, authorities found a signed, 2007 document from Gabrielle Giffords
office so cherished by the assailant, he kept it in a lock box
seemingly indicating that he was, perhaps, obsessing on the Representative
long before Sarah Palin first came to national attention in August of 2008,
and prior to the formation of the Tea Party in 2009. But this only demonstrates
the wicked, time-traveling, Manchurian Candidate powers of that Right-Wing
movement. Dont look foolish, thinking otherwise.
And while, in all of assailant Loughners free-association prose and
videos noirs there was not on the surface a single
mention of the Tea Party, Sarah Palin, immigration, health reform, or birth
its only a matter of time before Loughners
clever use of advanced encryption is decoded and deciphered, with the truth
fully revealed. In the interim, do not become discouraged or, in any
way, dissuaded by evidentiary facts. Though, as
Ultra-Leftists, I know that few of us ever are.
And fuck that bitch, Ann Coulter, for pointing out that the targeted
Bulls-Eye maps were the original creation of Democratic consultant,
Bob Beckel by his own admission as had been previously used
by the Democratic Leadership Committee.
And I hasten to preemptively add
even if Loughner,
himself, comes out to proclaim that he never listened to talk radio
and thought Sarah Palin was a complete scatterbrain, do not
stand-down from what we know to be true. For such assertions
by the assailant could not be trusted or in any way believed
you know hes fucking crazy, and shit.
By the way, I just want to take this arbitrary and random moment to say that
Im all for you black people ...
But back to the subject at hand
where do we go from here?
We Move Forward
by retreat. We, on the Ultra-Left as the only true purveyors of all
things liberal must isolate ourselves from anyone who doesnt
think precisely as we do. These just-dont-get-it deviants
would not only include conservative Republicans but moderates,
Libertarians, mainstream Democrats, and Obama apologists.
This, mind you, not to create a closed-circuit environment without
intellectual challenges, where we tend perform at our very best
such exclusion certainly entertains the advantage yes. Rather, it
is a means to keep our people pure
For if philosophical and political
bigotry was good enough for the Aryan master race
good enough for us.
So, as before, lets all assume our traditional circle jerk formation,
copiously spunking on one other as encouraged with a collective
seed that hasnt once given viable birth
.. to anything.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Joseph is a longtime Democrat and self-described, traditional button-down
liberal. He spends his spare time drawing attention to the absurdities of
irrational political extremism, both Left and Right.